“my friend dragged me to this party and I just saw my ex quick make out with me” au

-

It’s not that Dan isn’t a party person. He likes parties. He likes the whole socialising, drinking, I-don’t-know-who-the-hell-you-are-and-why-we’re-sitting-on-the-trampoline-in-the-back-yard-talking-about-dinosaurs-but-I’ll-roll-with-it vibe to it (okay, maybe the latter was only one time), and what’s the harm in getting a little drunk every now and then?

But the problem with Joe, is that he has more friends than Dan can keep up with. He knows too many people Dan doesn’t, and he goes to way too many parties.

Which, Dan supposes, isn’t really a problem in itself, but it’s where he comes into it that is – being the loyal roommate/best friend he is, Joe seems to have adopted him as his party mascot. His trusty ‘plus-one’, for want of a better term.

“Come on, Dan,” Joe throws him a red and black plaid shirt, dismissing one (of many) of Dan’s excuses of ‘but I have nothing to wear’. “I’ve grown out of that, so it’ll fit you just fine. You suit red.”

Dan glares at him, but walks over to the mirror and holds the shirt up to his face. It does suit him, kind-of, and he supposes he could probably get a couple more wears out of his jeans before he has to wash them.

“We’re like teenage girls, you and me,” Joe smirks, watching Dan assess his reflection.

Dan smirks, but tugs his pyjama t-shirt off and grabs the red plaid thing. He’ll never win.

“You owe me big time,” he mumbles, buttoning it up.

“Come on, it’ll be fine. This is Andrew – he knows how to throw a good party.”

“Ah, yes – ‘Andrew’. Another strikingly familiar name.’” Dan mutters dryly, grabbing his straighteners.

Joe tuts. “You’ll love him.”

Dan wonders how many times he’s heard that one before.

-

Keep reading

phanlight:

note: here’s the song this fic is based on [x]

summary: phil’s too reckless for his own good, but maybe that’s just what dan needs. they end up spending the summer together, living in the moment and taking chances that wouldn’t cross their sober minds, all the while slowly falling in love.

words: 15k 

 -

carpe diem

ˌkɑːpeɪ ˈdiːɛm,ˈdʌɪɛm/

exclamation

1.    used to urge someone to make the most of the present time and give little thought to the future.

2. a fancy way of saying ‘fuck it’.

**

i.

Dan’s always thought the summer holidays are a bit too hyped up, to be honest.

They’re never how they appear in the movies, for a start; no-one throws papers up in the air after the last exam, no-one really goes on the ‘roadtrips’ that are so supposedly popular in fictional summers (even if by some miracle someone does manage to organise and afford one, it’s never the six weeks of sun, loud music, fields, drinking and star-filled nights they’re always made out to be). No-one throws a house party that doesn’t end in some kind of fight, no-one cares enough about the sky to go stargazing, summer nights are overrated and it’s just never how it is in the movies.

That said, Dan doesn’t particularly dislike the summer holidays – figuratively speaking, he loves summer, it’s his favourite season. It’s his staggeringly high expectations that he dislikes – the moment when reality cuts through the picture-perfect images of the future his mind has painted out – yeah, that’s what pisses him off.

And it isn’t something he can help, either. He’s tried, of course he’s tried, but the whole “hope for the best, expect the worst” bullshit he’s been told by every teacher, parent and therapist he can think of, just doesn’t work. It’s far easier to say nonsense like that rather than to actually put it to practice.

That’s why it’s unsurprising when he finds himself slouched on his stained beanbag with an xbox controller in one hand and a cigarette in the other. It’s something-past-one in the afternoon and he’d literally rolled out of bed five minutes ago; straight off of the mattress and onto the floor, switching the monitor opposite him on with his foot and waiting for his TV to boot up. It’s not the wisest use of his time – his CV’s still sitting on the kitchen table due to the weeks he’d been putting off handing it in anywhere so he’s broke as fuck, but pretty much all of his friends are abroad, so what else is there to do?

Besides – he’d rather fight digital zombies than annoying bosses.

-

The rest of the day follows in pretty much the same unsurprising, unfulfilling manner. He ambles downstairs a couple of hours later, grunts a couple of half-greetings to his family members in the kitchen while he’s grabbing handfuls of cornflakes straight from the box. He stays upstairs, playing Call of Duty half-clothed with the curtains closed until the sky turns orange with sunset and he looks at his phone and shit, it’s already 7pm and he’s wasted an entire day.

It doesn’t surprise him, though. He sighs, putting the controller down with aching thumbs and switching the TV off with a clumsy kick in the general direction of the button. He stays there, staring vacantly at the ceiling for a couple of minutes. He stares for a while – his eyes tracing over chipped paint and faded blu-tack marks from where glow-in-the-dark stars once sat during a simpler time. He misses being a kid.

He jumps when he hears the muffled buzz of his phone from under his duvet. He reaches out, groping blindly at the sheets until his hands stumble across something solid and vibrating. He pulls it out, gearing himself up for a stilted conversation with whichever friend it is who cares enough to see how he’s doing, but when he reads the name on the screen, he frowns. What the hell does Phil want?

“Hello?” his voice is half-shaking although he isn’t quite sure why.

Keep reading

A/N: *Dodges things being thrown at me for leaving this on such a cliffhanger* I’M SORRY. I have no actual words for this… so, erm… I hope you like it? :]

[CHAPTER LINKS]

Summary: Dan has been thrown into a completely new environment as he joins a popular boarding school, Blackwood Academy, as a new student. After meeting Phil, a ringleader of the most infamous group of students in the school, Dan realises there’s a lot more to him than the man-made definition formed by other people’s opinions.

Chapter Sixteen

“Tilt your head back, you idiot. You’re getting blood all over your shirt,” Charlie mutters, staring at Dan with a disgusted expression.

“How’s that supposed to help?” Dan’s voice is muffled by the tissues covering his nose.

“Dunno,” Charlie shrugs. “I was just taught it in Scouts.” They carry on walking, through the sports centre and out into the campus of the school.

“I’m not really feeling the benefit,” Dan tilts my head back until he’s staring at the sky. “I can’t see where we’re going.”

Charlie rolls his eyes. “Not that far,” he pushes Dan’s head forward a little too violently. “Like that. You prick.”

They continue to walk in a painfully awkward silence, before he breaks it with a little laugh.

“What?”

“Well, to be honest, it was a pretty good blow,” he chuckles again, thinking back to Phil hitting Dan.

“Yeah, hilarious,” Dan rolls his eyes, not really seeing the funny side.

“Don’t worry, I’m sure he didn’t mean to hit you. Probably.”

“I don’t know; It seems like something he would do,” Dan’s gaze hardens on the car park, determined not to let tears come to his eyes.

“You’re right, actually,” Charlie laughs heartlessly. “You should’ve seen what he did to one of the year eights who took his seat one breaktime.”

“Spare me the details,” Dan replies bluntly. He’s right – Phil is horrible. Of course he did this deliberately. He hates Dan now, right?

Charlie stares at him after a while. “You’re not crying, are you? Come on, I’m sure it’s only a broken nose.”

“I’m not crying,” Dan says fiercely, blinking hard. “I’ve just… I’ve got a cold.”

He didn’t look like he believes him one bit, but he’s unusually quiet.

“…Why were you actually in our dorm?”

Dan freezes. “What? When?”

“That time ages ago when you were talking to Phil in our dorm, remember? Why?” his voice is cold.

Dan rolls his eyes, although he isn’t at all surprised this question had cropped up – he’d been half-expecting it anyway. “I thought Phil told you. We were only doing Chemistry homework,” Dan sighs, lying through his teeth.

Charlie narrows his eyes, obviously not believing him.

“What?” Dan mutters in an irritated voice once he sees Charlie’s expression.

“I don’t know. That’s just… not very believab- head back,” he interrupts himself as Dan notices a small trickle of blood coming out from the side of the stained tissue.

“First aider, are you?” Dan mumbles, desperate to change the subject.

“For your information, I got a first class certificate when I was thirteen,” he mocks a hair flip, making Dan actually grin. Slightly.

“Nice,” he chuckles.

“Do you reckon you’ve broken it?” he asked.

“I didn’t. Phil did,” Dan corrects him. “But yeah, probably. It feels broken,” Dan wiggles it gently, wincing at the shooting pain through the bone.

“It looks broken,” he raises his eyebrows at the bloody tissue, before spluttering with laughter. “Oh, god, your face was priceless though, you have to admi-“

“Yeah, I’m sure it was hilarious seeing someone covered in blood after one of Phil’s hits,” Dan snaps sarcastically, observing how funny he finds other people’s pain. “You’re used to seeing that, aren’t you?”

Charlie stops laughing.

“It was still funny, though.”

“Maybe for you,” Dan widens his eyes. “Do you not ever put yourself in the other person’s position?”

“What do you mean?”

“When you laugh at other people getting hurt. Like, that time you smashed Tom into the lockers. Or that time where poor George ‘looked at you wrong’? Do you not ever think what it’s like for them?”

“Why should I? It’s not me getting hurt,” he replies selfishly. Dan rolls his eyes at such a response, although he’s not really sure what else he was expecting.

“Yes, but it’s you who’s hurting them. It’s you making their lives shit,” Dan responds quickly. “What do you get out of that?”

He pauses.

“What?” Dan stares at his expression.

“I do it because… well…”

“Because what?”

He takes a deep breath. “I… well, he-..”

He. That’s all Dan needs.

“It’s Phil, isn’t it?” Dan’s voice softens.

Charlie nods.

Dan sighs. “Charlie…”

“Well, what do you expect me to do? Phil would kill me if I refused to do anything,” he says sadly.

Dan shakes his head. “I’m sure that’s not true. He-“ Dan gulps, refusing to let ‘The Feeling’ return. “He loves you.”

Charlie’s head snaps up, and he doesn’t respond immediately.

‘The Feeling’ swirls hotly in Dan’s stomach, but he fights against it to carry on. “He talks about you a lot to me. Well, obviously I don’t talk to him often. When we do homework together. But even then, he- er, he talks about you a lot,” Dan laughs nervously, quickly pulling himself out of the hole he’d nearly dug himself.

“He does…?” Charlie smiles.

“Yup,” Dan grips tighter on his tissue to distract himself.

“Dan?” he says after a few minutes.

“What?”

“You’re actually not as horrible as I thought you were, y’know.” he says in a softer voice.

Dan pauses, caught off guard.  “That’s reassuring.”

“No, no, I mean it,” he says. “I dunno, you’re not like the rest of your little clique. You’re not-… annoying like they are.”

“Er, thanks? I guess?” Dan’s voice raises in pitch at the end of the question, still unsure as to whether he’s joking or not.

“Why are you talking like that? Don’t you believe me or something?”

“Well as a matter of fact, no, I don’t,” Dan laughs shakily. That’s the thing with Charlie – like Phil, you can never tell what he means and what he doesn’t.

“I don’t blame you, to be honest,” Charlie shrugs. “We’re just huge assholes to everyone, me and Phil.”

“Don’t you feel bad, though? Like, about all the shit you do to other people?”

Charlie stares at him.

“You know what I mean. Don’t you feel bad when you bully people?”

Charlie thinks for a brief second. “Well, no, not really. I don’t really think about it. I just follow Phil.”

“Considering other people’s feelings for once might not hurt,” Dan points to his broken nose. 

Charlie swallows. “But… I don’t think he hates you.”

Dan points to his nose again with more force. “Really?”

Charlie eyes Dan up and down, his dark eyes narrowing, before he breaks his eye contact and stares vacantly towards the netball courts. “He talks about you a lot, you know.”

Dan’s heart jumps. “What?”

“You heard. He talks about you.”

He swallowed, his throat dry. “What does he say…?”

“Oh, just… stuff,” Charlie shrugs.

“Like what?” Dan presses. He isn’t going to let him get away without an explanation.

“About how he likes doing homework with you because you’re a nerd,” Charlie babbles quickly, refusing to look Dan in the eye.

Dan’s stomach drops. Of course.

“Oh,” he mumbles, willing the Nurse’s office to be closer. His stomach churns unbearably.

He likes doing homework with you because you’re a nerd

And there he was thinking he meant more to Phil than just ‘another homework buddy’. Fuck, Phil doesn’t even care about homework – he’d done all the Chemistry sheets they’d been given, but had only turned up to one of the lessons this week.

He likes doing homework with you because you’re a nerd

Dan should’ve trusted his first impressions. He should’ve trusted Zoe. Poor, poor Zoe. Phil wasn’t anyone special, at all. Phil’s nothing but a serial-cheating, overly sarcastic twat with not a single empathetic bone in his stupid fucking body and an obsession with Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Dan wishes he’d never associated himself with him – he could’ve saved thirty quid, that way.

He likes doing homework with you because you’re a nerd

He wants that bracelet back.

“Here we are. Dude.” Charlie clicks his fingers in front of Dan’s eyes. Dan snaps out of his day-nightmare (daymare? Whatever), and finds himself staring at the Nurse’s office door.

“Oh, okay. Thanks for taking me,” Dan thanks him, staring at the floor. He still feels sick.

“Whatever,” he half-smiles at Dan, and Dan watches him walk down the corridor.

“Charlie?” he says.

“Yeah?” he spins around.

“You’re not so bad yourself, y’know,” he gives him a little half-smile.

Charlie rolls his eyes, but he’s grinning slightly.

“See you around.”

And Dan means it. To his own disbelief, Charlie isn’t actually that bad. He’s just always lead on by Phil. Maybe Ms McDougal was right after all.

Taking a deep breath, Dan grabs the door handle, pushes it down, and edges around the doorframe into an office surrounded by health posters, ice packs and the unmistakable smell of bandages and medicine.

When the nurse sees the state of him, she tuts sympathetically. “Dear dear, you’ve been in the wars, haven’t you? Sit yourself down, there we go.” She nods to one of the chairs beside her desk. “What’s your name, love?”

“H-Howell. Dan Howell,” Dan stammers, wishing he were anywhere else but here.

 -

Dan doesn’t know how long he’s been curled up here for, but the last time he checked his watch it was 4pm and now it’s gone dark outside. He sobs, his nose and head throbbing unbearably. The scent of Phil is still weaved into the tatty sofa, which doesn’t help with his mood, but it also doesn’t stop him from burying his face into the threadbare material and inhaling desperately.

He wishes he weren’t him. He wishes he could be someone, anyone else. He wishes he were Alex; so funny, popular and clever. He wishes he were Joe, or Cas; so sporty, so good looking, so loved and idolized. He’s feeling so low even being poor James sounds more appealing than being himself.

But he wishes he were Charlie the most. It’s fucking abstract, it doesn’t work – who would want to be Charlie; one of the most hated people in the school?

But fuck, he’d rather be Charlie than himself.  He’d rather be loved.

Fuck, why couldn’t he just love Zoe? Everything would be so simple and easy. They’d be the perfect match.

He doesn’t understand what he doesn’t love about her. She’s so, pretty, and attractive. Fuck, she’s beautiful. She’s so friendly, and caring – she actually gives two shits about others, and Dan knows he certainly wouldn’t have any nights curled up in the hut with a broken nose had they got together when she kissed him. She’s really clever, too – forever showered in A*s and being the top of every class. Dan could study with her. If Dan loved Zoe, he could be the icon of jealousy throughout all the boys in the school, let alone half the girls, too.

She’s almost perfect. She is perfect.

But maybe that’s the problem.

It isn’t that simple. It never could be. It doesn’t matter if Zoe has all the amazing qualities in the whole world. The feelings aren’t there – he doesn’t love her. He loves Phil.

Why Phil?! Literally the worst possible choice in the whole of Blackwood (although he guesses that’s the problem - if it were a choice, Dan would’ve snapped Zoe up in an instant). Dan’s head spins as he lets himself be consumed with the thought of him – his stupid way of captivating him, his stupid face, his stupid voice, stupidly amazing scent, his stupid eyes, (oh fucking god his eyes) our stupid heart-to-heart conversations, his thrilling (but also very fucking stupid) personali-

The door swings open, and Dan blinks. It’s almost as if Phil’s standing there in front of me, the dark light outside making it barely possible to see his face.

Dan blinks again, because the Nurse never said anything about hallucinations. God, what was in that medication she gave him?

“Dan?” his voice echoes, ringing in Dan’s ears.

Great, so now he’s hearing things, too?

“Dan, oh my god, Dan,” Phil run over to Dan’s side, placing a hand on his shoulder as if to try and snap him out of it. Dan feels his hand cold on his shoulder.

He isn’t hallucinating.

“Phil…?” Dan croaks, blinking again. His eyes are slightly swollen from the tears, and he tries to hide it by not looking up; avoiding eye contact at all costs. He hauls himself up from the foetal position into something less pathetic, and his head still spins.

“Oh god, Dan, you’re crying,” Phil whispers hoarsely, sounding as if he’s pretty close to tears himself.

Dan suddenly realises where he stands with Phil.

“Yeah. No thanks to you,” Dan mutters sharply, staring down at the floor.

“Dan, please, I can explai-“

“So could I last week, but you didn’t fucking let me. Why should I let you explain yourself when I couldn’t?” Dan snaps. “What do you even have to say for yourself? Wait, let me guess – how the only reason you wanted me to do homework with you is because you think I’m a nerd? How all of this week you’ve been completely ignoring me and behaving like a complete dick around me because you didn’t even give me a chance to explain anything?! How you went and fucking hit me in the face with a r-“

“Listen to me!” Phil snaps gripping Dan by his shoulders and pulling him closer. “Dan, I-… fuck, I would say I’m sorry, but ‘sorry’ can’t even begin to cover anything I’ve done to you over this past week, I mean-… I’ve behaved like a complete dick. I know I have. I don’t even have an excuse, I’ve-… I guess I’ve just been so-… scared. I’ve been scared of your explanation. I didn’t even want to think about what you did with Zoe. I didn’t want to get you talking about it, which now when I hear myself is the absolute fucking pinnacle of selfishness and I know it and-…” he shuts his eyes. “Nothing’s coming out right, wait, I-… You’re right,” he shrugs. “There we go. You’re right, and I’m wrong. It is none of my business. I’m sorry for being such a twat about it; if anything I should be happy if you guys are together, or whatever you are, I don’t-…” he cuts himself off with an awkward shrug. “Well, I don’t know what you are, because I haven’t let you explain. And I will do. But I couldn’t help myself. I was a jealous prick,” he stares Dan, dead in the eye. “And no, not because you’re with her. Because she’s with you.”

Dan chokes up, barely able to speak. “Ph-…”

“No, listen,” he tightened his grip on Dan’s shoulders, half-hugging him. “I’m surprised you’re really stupid enough to believe that soppy excuse I gave Charlie? That I only like doing homework with you because I said you’re a nerd?” he scoffs. “Come on, Dan. I would’ve thought you knew me by now.”

“Well…”

He chuckles humourlessly. “We don’t even do homework! Dan, I used to come here, to this stupid hut-… because it was the only place I could be alone. But now I come to it, to this-… this stupid hut-…” he gazes around them. “-…because it’s the only place I feel I’m not alone anymore. It’s the only place I can just-… escape, and be with you. No one else. None of my friends, none of your friends, just somewhere only we know, and-…” he scoffs at the unintentional Keane reference. “You’re the only one who… well, who understands me. You’re the only one who I’ve actually told this much to. About everything. Charlie has no idea about my family, or what happened on Christmas. He has no idea that I’m afraid of the dark because of what happened with my dad when I was 3 years old. He has no idea about the secret diary I keep. He has no idea that I’m terrified of spiders. He has no idea about anything, really. But you do,” he gulps. “You really seem to have underestimated how much you mean to me. And I know I haven’t exactly made it all that obvious or clear but-…” he sighs. “I’ve told you a lot, but I don’t think I’ve mentioned how the thought that knowing at seven o’clock, I can finally see you again after a whole day of being glued to Charlie and having to stay away from you-… well, I’d be lying if I didn’t say that’s pretty much the only thing keeps me happy. Knowing we can have a whole evening away from everyone else, just being us. The Slytherin and the Gryffindor,” he smiles solemnly. “I know that right now, I’m probably the last person you want to see. I’m the last person who should be here, with you-“ he pauses. “Why are you even in here?” he asks rhetorically; it’s more of a question to himself. He sighs, shutting his eyes. “You really are my best friend, Daniel. Fuck, you’re more than that to me.” He whispered, letting go of one of Dan’s shoulders and reaching out to link one of his pinkie fingers with Dan’s

He stares at Dan’s nose. “And the… the thought… that you think I did that to you deliberately?” his voice cracks, tears in his eyes. “That I would hit my best friend, like that deliberately?! The thought of doing anything to hurt you just makes me…” he doesn’t finish his sentence – he’s hit with the realisation he’d unintentionally hurt Dan more times than he can count on one hand. He bites down on his lower lip in an attempt to stop it from shaking. “I’ve been worried sick about you all fucking day. I’d already checked the hut four times today before I found you in here, and-…” he sighs. “To be honest I really don’t deserve to even be here with you right now. I shouldn’t be here, and neither should you, but-…” his eyes glitter with tears. “That’s the whole point of it, I guess. The whole point of us. We shouldn’t be here. We shouldn’t know eachother in the way we do. We shouldn’t be talking. But we do anyway,” his eyes trace the bandages patching up Dan’s nose, and the stitches poking the skin near his eyebrow. “Seeing you-… today-… in so much pain-…” he gulps. “I-… I won’t go into detail about how all I wanted to do was to hug you and take you to the Nurse and look after you all day, because-… well,” he scoffs. “Because, for one, that would be soppy as fuck, but for another-…” his smile vanishes, and a single tear drips down his cheek. “Now,I don’t want anything. Well-… anything other than for you to forgive me.”

Dan bursts into heartbroken sobs, collapsing into Phil’s chest. He wraps his arms around the crying boy, hugging him with enough tightness to make up for every day of cruel ignorance he’d given him.

“Phil-…” Dan chokes, nuzzling his face into his shoulder despite his broken nose. “I’m sorry. I-…”

“Why are you apologising?” Phil tearfully mumbles, but he hugs Dan tighter.

Dan tightens his grip around Phil’s waist and they bury their heads into the crooks of each-other’s necks. Dan can’t ignore the thrill in his stomach that flips when their skin touches, and when the time finally came a few long minutes later, he can’t bear to let him go.

“Now…” Dan begins shakily once they’d calmed down a little. “There’s something you need to know about me and Zoe. I don’t care if I will regret telling you this, or that you don’t want to hear it, but I just… I just want to.”

Phil groans, shutting his eyes.

“No, it’s my turn- you listen to me, now,” Dan grabs his arm. “I had no fucking idea she was going to kiss me like that. I didn’t want her to, at all. I don’t see her as anything more than a friend, and you know that, because I told you and-…” Dan gulps. “And you’re pretty much the only one left at this school who I haven’t lied to,” Phil freezes at that, but Dan continues, “and-… I know everyone else will think me a crazy, tasteless jerk, but I can’t help it. I just don’t. I don’t love her. I don’t even like her in that way. She’s just… too perfect.”

“Yeah, she is perfect.” Phil repeats sourly.

“But that’s the problem,” Dan stares him dead in the eye. “I don’t want ‘perfect’, I want love,” he gulps. “And love isn’t perfect.”

Phil narrows his eyes. “What are you trying to say?”

“I’m trying to say that-…” Dan shuts his eyes. “Oh god, I don’t know how to put this, but-…” he nudges up closer to Phil, and the diamond blue sparkle that stares back at him sends him over the edge. There’s no going back now. “I don’t love Zoe, Phil.”

“And-…?” Phil raises an eyebrow, but his heart is thudding.

Dan gulps. “I love you.”  

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