a/n: OK well i WAS gonna write a pastel/pastel AU but whilst I was scrolling down my prompts I found this and I couldn’t pass it up hahahahah I have no idea what the fuck this is im so tired it is literally 4am right now. 4AM what am I DOING (this is kind of a joke fic take everything that happens in here with a pinch of salt).

This might possibly be the best and worst thing I’ve ever written. We’ll see.

summary: Dan gets dragged into Victoria’s Secret in search of a birthday present for his best friend and gets slightly more than he bargained for (or, alternatively, the one where dan and phil fuck in the changing rooms). (based on this prompt [x])

warnings: smut (public sex), swearing, humour (is that even a warning?), strangers-to-lovers-pretty-damn-fast

words: 4,000

Dan presses a black bra up against his chest along with the corset. “I bet I would work these, y’know. What do you think?” he whirls back around. The space beside him is empty.

He frowns. “Chris?”

He spins around in search for the other boy – where the fuck did he go? He glances over his shoulder to the other side of him where his eyes lock with a very unfamiliar face and oh no. Shit.

“Well. I don’t know…” the stranger says, each syllable smooth and deep. He takes a couple of steps closer to Dan and the scent of his aftershave follows him until it reaches Dan, spicy coolness radiating off of his neck. He smirks a little, the grin tugging on one corner of his mouth and tweaking his expression into a crooked smile.

“Oh- my god,” Dan stutters when he finally remembers to speak, shock rooting him to the spot. “I’m- fuck, I’m so sorry, I thought you were someone else and-“

“…you’d have to try them on,” he finishes.

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prompt: Dan and Phil are both sons of rich families and are sent to ballroom dancing lessons. Because there is a shortage of girls, Dan and Phil end up as partners. Phil really doesn’t want to be there and Dan doesn’t either, but is so frustrated by the fact Phil doesn’t want to dance with him he is determined to get him to.

a/n: LISTEN I HAVE A FUCKIN REAL EXAM TOMORROW AND HERE I AM WRITING GAY SMUT I AM HONEST TRASH WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING i’m so sorry aobut this it spiralled outta control i hope it okay ogm i ohpe i dont fail tomorrow OOPS

once again welcome to the sequel of the time i tried to write smut and chickened out so this isnt actual sex or anything but it’s just about everything else

((also ik this is on hiatus but that just means its off schedule so while this isn’t gonna be every wednesday or at least until my exams are over chapters will still occasionally pop up here and there))

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Twenty

They’ve been here just over a week, and already Dan and Phil have gathered a little collection of all their favourite places in Vienna, ranging from the wide, busy roads of the city centre, little winding alleyways with old, overhanging wooden door signs labelling obscure shops selling pipe tobacco and expensive jewellery (and more banana chocolate, much to Phil’s delight and Dan’s disgust), to the places a little away from the decorative urban surroundings; the green stretches of park with small wooden benches lining grey paths and black iron lamp posts glowing up the oncoming dusk of the evening have been personal favourites of theirs. Dan likes the park; he likes talking to Phil and watching the evening breeze comb through the branches of the trees as their hands shyly hover against each-other, both of them trying to nudge them into a gentle clasp.

They discover somewhere new every day; somewhere always a little better, a little newer and more exciting than the last.

But there’s a clear favourite between them. Somewhere no amount of parks, trees and pretty architecture could match up to.

The bridge.

“But what if-“

“For the last time, Phil, you couldn’t send a squirrel into space.” Dan shuts his eyes, having heard one too many of Phil’s astrophysical animal theories.

“Not even if it was wearing a little spacesuit?” Phil pouts, his eyes glittering with thought in the glow of the sunset which casts everything facing the west with a gentle, orange hue.

“After forcing a temperamental rodent into a suit I’d be surprised if you had any fingers left,” Dan looks at him. “their teeth are sharp as fuck.”

Phil shrugs. “Well I tell you to get your ballroom suit on and my fingers are still in tact.” His voice is outlined with playfulness as he holds his hand up, slowly waving his fingers.

Dan’s mouth hangs open for a couple of seconds. “Bastard.” He mutters, trying to hide the oncoming grin under his surrounding hair.

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prompt: Dan and Phil are both sons of rich families and are sent to ballroom dancing lessons. Because there is a shortage of girls, Dan and Phil end up as partners. Phil really doesn’t want to be there and Dan doesn’t either, but is so frustrated by the fact Phil doesn’t want to dance with him he is determined to get him to.

a/n: LISTEN OK THIS TOOK THE HUGEST SPONTANEOUS PLOT TWIST EVER I’M IN AWE HONESTLY WHAT THE FUCK WAS I DOING the ending of this was totally utterly completelyu unplanned it literally came to me about two hours ago and for some reason i thought it would be suitable to put in here so yes shit happens in this chapter hence why it’s so long  

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Fifteen

Dan’s phone vibrates on the table, interrupting the dinner for the ninth time.

He’s forced by the glaring eyes of every member of his family, plus the visitors, to slide it out of sight and either shut it up by putting it on Do Not Disturb, or try to find out what the group chat’s talking about that’s apparently so important it needs his attention now.

But the last couple of messages haven’t come up in the form of a small red number beside the Power Squad’s name. They’re private messages from Max.

Max? Dan frowns. What does he want?

He’s suddenly interrupted by a sharp foot to his shin.

“Ow! Adam, you f-…” He manages to prevent disgracing himself (for the third time this evening) in front of his mother’s ‘highly important’ business partners, so he settles for a steady glare as Adam jerks his head urgently to the grey-haired woman sitting to the right of him, fixing Dan with an expectant stare.

“Daniel?” She prompts.

“Hm?” Dan pretends he hadn’t heard, hoping she hasn’t been trying to get his attention for too long while he’d been effectively ignoring her; wrapped up in his own life confined to a glow behind his phone screen.

“Mrs. Howell had just been telling me about Vienna.” She nods, raising her perfectly plucked eyebrows in an impressed manner.

Oh, fuck. Vienna. “Yeah, I-…” He trails off, spearing a bean with his fork thoughtfully. “I’m going to Vienna.” He adds unhelpfully.

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