PROMPT: 

Song: [Link]

A/N: So I got this prompt this morning, and as it’s the 12th anniversary of 9/11, I decided to go ahead and write it today. My thoughts are with all families, victims, and those affected by 9/11. Rest In Peace. ♥

DISCLAIMER: Everything I have written is entirely fictional. I am not claiming Phan is real. Also, although there isn’t any content such as self-harm or angst in this, I’m still going to label it as triggering. So please take care, and do not read this fanfiction if you feel you may be affected by it in some way. Contains sensitive conent.

It’s been a year, Phil.
Dan sat alone, slumped on a swing in the deserted park, the air growing cold as the evening crept in. In his hand, he fiddled with the most beautiful bouquet of white lilies. Phil’s favourite flowers.
He stared up at the skyline of the city in front of him, in some areas where the damage was still noticeable.
I really, really miss you.
Dan felt tears creep in through the corners of his eyes, blurring the vision of the white bunch in front of him. He wasn’t never the same since Phil had left. On rare occasions, when he was really feeling the pain and loneliness, he could somehow feel Phil’s presence around him, which was hauntingly comforting for him. He felt as if Phil was still looking out for him. As if nothing ever happened.
Dan stood up off the creaks of the swing, and began walking.
I know you’re safe now.
He gave the park one last glance over his shoulder, the memories flooding back. When only a year ago, they would slope off to, skipping class and spending hours under the daytime sky, talking about anything and everything.
In a beautiful place called heaven.
Through his eyes, still tear-filled, Dan stared up at the dimming sky, wondering if somehow, Phil was up there. Watching down to the earth, perching on the end of puffed clouds, and dancing gracefully through the atmosphere. Dan reckoned Phil would probably love that. He’d always been the imaginative kind of person, who believed in Heaven, Hell, ghosts, and everything. Dan had always been skeptical himself, but in this situation, Phil’s imagination had probably rubbed off onto him.
He walked through the city streets, the early Autumn air brushing coldly through his hair, and onto his face. He thought of all their younger years. When it was just him and Phil, enjoying the youth, freedom, and undeniable love that had made such a big impact on their hectic lives.
Approaching a convenience store, Dan walked inside through the undersized door, knowing exactly what he was looking for.
He bought two Daim bars, the biggest box of Lion cereal that they sold, along with a small toy lion he found near the counter, and brought them outside.
“Look, Phil.” He whispered to the sky. “All your favourites.”
He carried on walking, earning a couple of concerned glances from the members of the public, seeing as it was probably quite unusual to see a man in his twenties walking alone with a bunch of miscellaneous purchases, and who was also beginning to look very emotional.
Finally, after getting lost a few times and twisting his ankle on the road, he was there. Surrounded by the trees, and beautiful landscape. And Phil.
He paced along the luscious grass, taking care in every step he took, until he knelt down beside Phil, stroking his marble stone carefully.
“Hi, Phil.” He whispered, his voice cracked and hoarse. “I brought you some presents, I thought you might like them.”
He placed the cereal and the lion together by the beautiful white lilies, beside his grave. He gave Phil one of the Daim bars, and began to eat the other one delicately.
“I learnt how to play piano this summer.” Dan commented softly. “It took me a really long time, you know. But I passed the grade.” He delved into his pocket, taking out a tightly folded piece of paper and laying it down. “So I wrote you a song. I hope you’ll be able to listen to it… up there.”
A lump in Dan’s throat appeared, growing as he gazed up into the sky.
Can’t you see me?
Flashes of panic-filled screams, smoke, and flames flashed before Dan’s eyes, as he carried his gaze around to what was now referred to as Ground Zero. He worked in the neighbouring offices two blocks away.
“I carry a picture of us around, Phil. On my desk. It’s from the week we first met.” His lip began to tremble. “You look so beautiful.”
Flashes of ambulance lights, paramedics and hospital stretchers suddenly attacked Dan’s mind. Pushing past them all, rushing back into the flaming building with a mouthful of thick smoke. Trying to save Phil’s life.
Dan swallowed, shaking the image out of his head. “I-I finally did a YouNow broadcast by myself.” He tried to plaster on a smile, as if Phil was watching, although it faded quickly, against his will. “Even though I miss you joining me.” His throat tightened on the last word.
Can’t you see me?
Dan looked down at his hands, staring at the ugly scar that sat on the palm of his left hand. Although, it shouldn’t be ugly. It was a sign. A sign that he had risked his life to save his loved one’s.
“I-I miss how you used to hold my hand. As we walked along this path.” The spaces between his hands suddenly felt empty, and cold, as he remembered the warmth of Phil’s hand interlocked with his own. When nothing in the world mattered.
“Hold my hand. That’s what we used to say, didn’t we?” Dan fought a smile through the intense pain he was beginning to feel.
Instead of remembering the content memories of walking hand-in-hand, Dan’s mind suddenly flashed to the very last time he held Phil’s hand. Where it was no longer warm. Accompanied by the ghostly whiteness of the hospital surroundings, and a haunting, repetitive beep.
“My hand hurts.” He whispered, biting down on his lip as he stroked the marble, putting the empty Daim wrapper in his pocket.
“I try not to cry, Phil.” Dan croaked, resting his head on the cold edge of the stone. “I-I know you hate seeing me like this.” He reminisced back to the countless times Phil had wiped away Dan’s tears, holding him in his arms and stroking through his hair, soothing him into calmness.
He closed his eyes in pain, feeling two large tears roll down his cheek. “I try Phil. But it hurts.” He sobbed, the memories beginning to destroy him.
He gulped, feeling as small and as vulnerable as a child. He stared up at the sky again, although at this point it was turning a darkening blue colour.
“S-Someday…” He breathed in a whispered squeak. “We can be together again, Phil. I’ll come and see you up there, o-okay?”
He glanced at his watch, realizing that he was sickeningly late. He was meant to be home 3 hours ago. But he had to do this.
“It’s time for me to go home now.” He whispered, kissing the stone and feeing the coolness press against his lips. “But I’ll be back really soon, okay?”
Against his will, Dan began to stand up, before he remembered.
“Phil…?” He swallowed nervously.
“Sometimes… I still sleep in your bed.” He began. “Just in case you come home…” He took a deep breath. “And cuddle with me. You know… like we used to when we were both feeling down. We always used to, until we felt happy again. Remember?”
His voice cracked, letting out one last sob. He stood up again, feeling his weak knees nearly buckle under himself.
“I love you so much.” He wiped his tears. “I miss you, Phil.”

Baby you’re all that I want
When you’re lying here in my arms
I’m finding it hard to believe
We’re in heaven…

RIP. <3